Jen wrote about her thoughts on privacy.
I have some difference of opinion.
Admittedly, my opinions are based on my own experiences as a kid though, and I asked my friends on Facebook what they thought as I was trying to figure out if I was giving too much weight to my "kid self," and not thinking like a parent enough. Also, I haven't been in the "teenage years" for my own kids for very long either. I decided that I wasn't just having a knee-jerk reaction to her beliefs, but a realizing I had a deep belief of my own: Mutual respect.
If her specific point was to be diligent and know what your kids are up to, I would agree. But she was basically asserting that in the parent to child relationship, the parent should say: "I own you" and every thing that you do, I have a right to access. But the way I see it, you are raising people. Someday, they will be people living outside of your home and realm of influence. You don't get to march into their homes when they are living on their own and go through their cabinets and demand their passwords to their online accounts. And there has to be a transition between teenage and adulthood. They have to be given responsibility and respect or their entire existence will be about rebelling.
I really hope this entry doesn't make it to my mom's attention, because I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I remember her taking a diary from me when she caught me writing in it after she and I had a fight. She read it specifically because she thought I was writing about her. I wasn't. I was also upset over something that had happened in school, where I had said something mean to a boy and felt bad and was describing it. She then yelled at me and I got grounded because of what she read. As a kid, did I feel like sharing with her anything that happened to me again? Certainly not. She gained the information in a rather militant way, she did not ask me any questions about the incident or have a talk with me, and she decided I needed punishment when I was already feeling guilty. So, I stopped writing anything about real life in my diaries for years. Just because you think, as a parent, that you are IN CHARGE AND GETTING ALL THE INFO doesn't mean you are. There will always be a website they can hide because they learn how or an app that erases what is uploaded for you automatically. Kids who want to hide something WILL find a way.
I agree with staying INVOLVED in your kids lives and aware. I even covertly spy - looking over their shoulders to see what they are typing - to an extent. And yes, be aware of what they are watching on youtube, there is some weird stuff on there, but unless my child has PROVEN they are prone to being sneaky, then I don't think I should treat them like they are sneaky. I don't think parents should take diaries and read them. I feel like that is maybe the last step, after behavior issues have occurred. If you don't treat your kids with respect, then you aren't fostering a foundation for a respectful future adult relationship. Just an obligatory one. Not you, mom, we're fine! (I'm still paranoid she is going to somehow find this and read it and I'm going to get in trouble) Also, it's not that I think a good adult relationship should be the only goal. I just feel like you aren't helping them transition from being "under your thumb" to being completely able to make their own choices if you don't allow them some personal identity in their teen years.
What do you think?
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